Why Am I an Artist?

To Be Free

I create art to slip off into a place of no time, no worry, no depression, and no PTSD.

While creating, I am unafraid and safe in my moments. I can explore why some of my traumas are not yet resolved and why I wanted so many wicked things to befall my abusers. I still feel the guilt of being a victim, of “allowing” the traumas to happen, even though that thinking is nonsense.

But when I am creating anything, I get into the flow. It’s like a waking dream where my subconscious mind speaks through my hands, making pictures to help me explain to myself what my shadow feeds on.

I love my shadow and its pain. It’s like an old friend who jumps out of dark corners to frighten me, but after the fright, I can laugh. “You old devil,” I say to myself.

I want to bring my shadow into my light so I can feel the calm of being whole, and then extend that peace to others.