I’ve been hearing voices over the past couple weeks, off and on. The voices don’t tell me to do anything, and I would not follow the instructions if they tried because the voices are not real. But they are fucking annoying.
What Do the Voices Sound Like?
People who hear voices hear them in different ways, at different intensities, and with different words. Elizabeth Caudy, who writes the “Creative Schizophrenia” blog at HealthyPlace, has written about hearing voices quite a few times. “Her” voices have changed over the years. Elizabeth has known the voices aren’t “real” for some time, but like me, she spent a spell thinking they were.
When she started the blog, her voices were disruptive and aggressive. She would have to go home often when they got to be too much. Today, the voices mostly tell her to quit smoking (which she did a decade ago), and other non-hateful, non-aggressive things. But Elizabeth’s voices, as annoying and difficult to manage as they are, have never told her to hurt herself or anyone else.
Not everyone who “hears voices” actually hear voices. Some people hear sounds like clicking or some other random but recognizable noise. Some people hear or feel the voices coming from different body parts – it isn’t always hearing with the ears. Some people hear some frightening stuff. People who hear voices may not hear people talking, but what they do hear is limited only by imagination.
In my current experience, I hear voices, but the voices are not clear. They sound like someone left the television on in the next room. I’ve noticed different patterns in the voices: there is the news, game shows, dramas, sitcoms, and even documentaries. Sometimes the voices sound more like a radio. Yesterday, Johnny Cash (or his sound and rhythm anyway) sang to me. I tried to get that voice into focus, but couldn’t.
What’s Happening When You’re Hearing Voices?
When I am hearing voices, I am experiencing auditory hallucinations. These are sounds that my brain makes up because it has an illness and wants to roll that way.
Or, the experience of hearing voices could be paranormal, as it is for me at times.
Why Are People Freaked Out When I’m the One Hearing Voices?
It seems like other people should let me be the one freaking out, doesn’t it? Fortunately for me, I’m not freaked out, and my loved ones aren’t freaking out. They are dealing with it a differently from one another.
- I think my husband wants to ignore it because he hasn’t asked me how I’m doing since I told him I’m hearing voices. He’s so supportive otherwise, what with being here for me through the depression/bipolar and all the rest, so his reaction surprises me.
- My mom brought me flowers because my brain is acting up and she wants me to feel better.
- My sister called to make sure we didn’t have a gas leak (hearing voices is a symptom of gas poisoning, too).
- My psychiatrist did not freak out, either. He told me we’d talk about it at my next appointment. He wants to have an in-person visit the next time though.
But, I can probably figure out why strangers look at me weird or freak out a bit if I tell them about the television changing channels in my head.
I’m Psychotic
Strangers might know that hearing voices is part of psychosis, and people who are psychotic tend to be thought of as dangerous. Thanks, The Movies and TV Shows, for propagating that stigma. We can throw The News into perpetrators of stigmatizing psychosis too. When there is a mass shooting, the first thing The News looks for is evidence of mental illness, the more sensational the illness, the better. Currently, depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia seem to be the demons behind the evil.
Because people are told that mentally ill people are dangerous, some groups want to take away our guns, make it easy to commit a spouse to a mental hospital (helloooo, 1800’s!), try to shame us when we speak up and claim that mentally ill people are dangerous, which ignores the fact that it is much more likely a person with a mental illness will become a crime victim than a criminal (See here and here. Or search it. You’ll find many examples.)
What About the People Who Talk to the Voices They Hear?
Hallucinations are seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting or smelling things that are not there. Delusions are ideas that you hold as true that are not true. You can have hallucinations without delusions and you can have delusions without hallucinations.
But the people who are talking to their voices in the manner we’re all imagining could be experiencing both delusions and hallucinations. If someone hears a voice, it is possible that that they hear that voice coming from a person who calls himself Bill, an FBI agent sent to trick them. You can tell that person that they are talking to no one and that nobody is trying to trick them, but they will never believe you.
For example, let’s say you’re eating chocolate ice cream. Your friend says you are eating bubblegum ice cream. You certainly know the difference between the two, and this is definitely chocolate. Would it help if your friend argued with you over the flavor? No. You are seeing, tasting, smelling and loving your chocolate ice cream. “Shut up,” you might say to your friend. “Are you freaking delusional?!” Is it your friend who is delusional or is it you? It’s them, of course.
Arguing with someone who is delusional is pointless, and you could do more harm than good. But there are ways to help someone in this type of mental health crisis. If you’re interested, check out the Here to Help website.
This Isn’t My First Rodeo with Hearing Voices
Psychiatrists would say that I’ve heard voices from my mid-twenties onward, off and on with sometimes years-long breaks in between. They would say that every single occurrence was medically based.
Because of the “science”, I abandoned God for a long time. I felt that I’d been tricked in the meanest way possible. I put the experiences on the “Proof Kellie’s Crazy” list and withdrew from everything spiritual. I ignored it all.
When I was younger, I believed all of the auditory hallucinations were spirits and angels. When the psychiatrist told I was psychotic, I was in such a depressed state that I completely believed her. I wanted to feel “normal”, and if taking meds for psychosis would do that, I was all in.
Hallucinations or the Supernatural?
Over time, and especially since making my first art doll a few years ago, I’ve come to a conclusion. I believe that hallucinations and delusions and the paranormal and psychic worlds are real. I believe all of those worlds co-exist. With the wisdom about mental health and the metaphysical that I’ve collected over the years, I can also tell the difference between them.
On the paranormal experiences list, I’ve witnessed a mini battle between good and evil. I’ve followed a partial entity straight to my family’s bible which I opened to the exact verse I needed to read. I’ve seen my grandfather in a dream, talked to my guardian angel Pauline and other spirits who found me, and sensed that my ex-husband was in grave danger when he was in actual grave danger (as I found out later). There’s more, but for goodness sakes, the You-Do-You Voodoo™ art dolls I make talk to me once their spirit has a voice. All of those experiences are paranormal.
On the other hand, I’m hearing voices presently, not spirits. Over the years, I’ve heard voices emanating from my teeth that got louder when I opened my mouth. I’ve ran around my house unplugging absolutely everything because I thought the electricity was leaking and making a freaking whooshing noise. And I’ve had daydreams – day nightmares – that were so real my heartbeat elevated to terrified level and I learned my flight or fight response was actually to freeze. All of those experiences are ones I thought were paranormal at the time, when they were actually brain-glitches.
My point is that I’ve experienced both the paranormal and the brain-glitches. Paranormal events have a much different feel to them than hallucinations, and I have learned that through experiences over time. Both are real. Both are impossible to prove. And I’m not going to argue with anyone about either of them.
Photo with television by Ajeet Mestry on Unsplash; I modified the color and added a few other bits; image of the rodeo is AI generated using ChatGPT
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